In the final days of December 2023, I had a very sudden realization: I wasn’t happy with who I was. Having dealt with depression and anxiety for about 20 years by this point, I was no stranger to this feeling, but I was fed up. I never wanted to go out, be with people, go to work, I never really wanted to do anything. I would suck it up and force myself to do things sometimes, but it was harder than it should have been. All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and hide from the world, all the time. I was never even sure what I was hiding from, I just knew I didn’t enjoy much, and I was sick of it. I had to make a change.
This wasn’t my first time trying to make a change. I’ve tried all the classics, like regular exercise, healthy diet and talk therapy. These all helped me immensely to become the person I am today, but I still had the lingering feeling that just wouldn’t go away. I just didn’t feel like I was a part of, or had a place in, this world. I had heard of people having success with mushrooms, so I started to look into that option. It made me nervous to even think about, but it made me more nervous to think about continuing to live without a major change. And besides, I had tried shrooms a couple times in my younger years, how bad could this be? I decided I wanted to try this option, but this left me with one question: Where would I get shrooms?
Apparently, the world had heard my shouts into the void, and decided to give me a little tease. On December 31, 2023, I went into work and ran into a coworker I hadn’t seen since before the holidays. He pulled me aside, saying he had a little gift he’d been waiting to give me, and pulled out a small jar filled with shrooms, about 2 grams total. He handed it to me, explaining how his friend had grown them, and given them out as Christmas presents. I was blessed enough to receive some as well, and my journey truly began.
That night, New Years Eve, my girlfriend and I split the mushrooms I’d been given, and spent time listening to music, painting, and finally, watching the ball drop. For the first time in years, I felt at peace. Like a deep fog had been lifted from my mind, and I could just BE. Be present, be mindful, be myself, be part of the world, be part of the universe. I could finally live and breathe without the weight of depression on my shoulders, for the first time in years. We had a magical night together, and I was excited for 2024.
This wild coincidence felt like some kind of divine timing, like the universe telling me that I was right, this was the path that I should be taking. My issues weren’t quite solved yet, though. After all, I didn’t actually have a source for more mushrooms, this was a one time thing.
One thing my coworker mentioned stuck with me though, his friend grew them? How? At the time, I had no clue that someone could just do that! Obviously mushrooms grow from somewhere, but the concept of just growing them at home was brand new to me.
So, I found myself a mushroom grow guide on reddit, and began trying to learn the entire process. This guide that I found was very detailed, and I mean DETAILED. It had so much information, that I was completely overwhelmed. It seemed impossible, I just didn’t think I could do it. Over the next couple weeks, I spent hours reading and re-reading the guide, slowly getting comfortable, but trying to make sure I had a full grasp on it. I had many conversations with people on the forum, and asked many questions, sometimes getting different answers. Every grower has their own technique, it seems!
2-3 weeks of constant googling later, and I felt prepared. I finally had all the steps memorized, knew what I needed, and knew where to get it all, for the best prices even. I bit the bullet, nervous that I may have just wasted $150, but excited to try out a new hobby. A few days later it all arrived, and it was finally time to start the process.
2 months later, I had my first full harvest, and a head full of new knowledge and amazement. The main thing I had learned, was that the whole process was actually SUPER easy! I had massively over prepared, worried about nothing, and even spent a little bit more money than I really needed to. It was so easy, that the hardest part was just having patience. Once I had all the materials, I only had to do about 2 hours of work, and 2 months of just waiting for things to happen. It was so easy, that I wrote the simplified guide I linked above, just to help other people in the same position I was in.
Now that my harvest was done and dried, I found myself with 2 ounces of product. This would have cost me somewhere around $4-500 from less legal sources, yet I had only put in about $150. I was thrilled! This was so much more than enough to begin my experiments, enough to last me years! So I began my journey. I put myself on a schedule of taking 0.2 grams, every 3 days.
On those days, I’d come home from work and take my 0.2 grams. I’d put on some music, and begin journaling about myself, my feelings, the ways I’d been living, the things I was sick of, everything. Just analyzing my entire life, and allowing myself to be vulnerable and open with, well, myself. And it felt great, every time. I wasn’t necessarily having grandiose, life changing epiphanies or anything, but I could feel my thought patterns somehow healing for the better. The best way I can think to put it, is like this: If my mind was a business, I was just the manager, lost in the daily grind and operations of keeping things afloat. But when I took my mushroom micro dose, I was a consultant, brought in to look around and optimize workflow.
After each time, I’d feel a decent amount better, but I wasn’t having any big “aha!” Moments, like I had expected. But after about a month of continuing this, I realized that I was indeed changing. I was spending less time in my bed, hiding from the world. I found myself waking up excited to get started on some new project, or even go some place, like the thrift store or grocery store. While I used to think of these tasks as draining chores, I suddenly found myself with a brand new perspective, happy to be around others and taking care of myself.
A few more months of this, and I realize I can hold conversations without second guessing my words. I realize I can just leave my house and go to the store, without even a second thought. No more hyping myself up to do a quick grocery run, no more rehearsing my order in line at the coffee shop. I was finally living the way I always imagined regular, healthy people do, the way my depression had always stopped me from living. At long last, I became a part of this world again, and I have mushrooms to thank for this transformation. There’s no doubt in my mind that this was the best thing I have ever done for myself, and the effects have been long-lasting.
Mushrooms gave me my life back. Thanks for reading my story, I hope it helps someone out there achieve the same results I had.
The Highest Club 